"Come Into My Parlor," said the spider to the fly.

“Step into the office and let’s talk.”  Uh, ok.  Let me just sit on this moving stool here.  Nothing bad can come from it, right?  (In case you missed it, MAJOR foreshadowing there…)  Moving on…Seth and I start talking about what my goals are.   Ok, so here are MY goals:  I want to be down a few sizes and not be daunted by stairs.  Seth says those are admirable goals.  And then he drops this little bombshell:

“You seem to tolerate pain well.”

You know, in a different environment, that’s a hot statement.  (Yeah, I’ll say it.)  When it’s a personal trainer?  Good lord.  I must be as stupid as they come because I did NOT run screaming from the building.  All kidding aside, in hindsight, I appreciate that statement.  I do tolerate pain well, as while I might whine, when my muscles are super sore, if Seth says, give me one more, I’m going to do my very best to give it to him.  

So here are Seth’s goals for me:  he wants me to drop 8-10 lbs. of body fat a month.  That’s it.  Oh, and he wants total control of what I eat, too.  And he shows me a sample meal plan…and…wow.  Look, I’m a serious foodie – like, I love to eat.  I love to cook.  I love to feed people.   I’ve taken vacations where I learn how to bake!  (Yes, they ARE called bakecations  and yes, they ARE the best times I’ve ever had on vacation.  www.bakewithzing.com  Trust.) 

So now I have some trainer telling me he wants control of my food?  Ugh.  “Look, you had 41 years to do whatever you want, and now you’re here.”  And here’s the thing:  Seth was right.  Sure, I’ve had times of eating very cleanly…but I’ve also had periods where Jack In The Box played way too heavily into my diet.  

Seth’s food plan, is, well, not as jazzy as I like.  It’s a good diet:  lots of protein, fruit and veggies.  Brown rice. (Which, a moment please.  Look, I know all the dietary benefits of brown rice, fiber, blah blah blah.  But let’s call the spade the spade:  it doesn’t taste as good as white rice.  It’s like eating raw oats or something.  And I love the smugness of Pei Wei…”brown rice?”   Seriously, that’s a restaurant built on giving people a rice option….)  Anyway, we talk a little more, hammer out a fee, talk days of the week to work out, and then it’s time to go.

So…I’m sitting on a stool.  One that has me more or less in a squat position.  And I’ve been sitting just long enough for my quads to have gotten stiff.  So I raise up….and my quads flip me the bird and say, “uh, no” and I go back down.  Only..that stool?  It’s on wheels.  And it has rolled away.  Aaaaand….down I go. 

Nice.

Meanwhile, Seth looked properly distressed and was all, “are you ok??”  Which, hi, I seem to be able to fall well, because the only thing hurt was my pride.  He offered to help me up, which, yeah, just no.  I got myself down, I’ll get myself up.   Woo hoo!!  Falling down in gym at THE EVALUATION.  Gym triumph.  /eye roll

Anyway, Seth didn’t seem to think any less of me, and we make plans for me to be there at 6:30 the following Thursday.  

Or as I say, down the rabbit hole I decided to go.